What’s wrong with having seperate bedrooms?
My husband snores really loud, enough so that eight months ago, he started sleeping on the couch and went to the doctor where he underwent a sleep study to find that he had severe sleep apnea. Now, he refuses to use the c-pap machine because he says it makes him feel like he’s suffocating. There’s nothing wrong with the machine and he’s tried different masks. He refuses to even try to get use to it. He wants to sleep in the same bed with me again but I can’t handle the snoring and think that a better solution would be for me to move into the guest room. He says it’s ridiculous for us to have separate bedrooms. I don’t see a problem with it and frankly, if he felt that strongly about it, he’d get used to the c-pap machine. We’ve already been sleeping separately for eight months so why’s he bent out of shape about sleeping in the bedroom while I sleep in the guest room? Can anyone help me understand this?
We are still intimate – sleeping separately hasn’t changed our sex drive. So is perceived intimacy that much more important than a good night’s sleep? I’m sure after a couple of weeks being up all night because of his snoring, I’ll be the "cheerful" person he wants to be intimate with. I think I’m being realistic with this.
I can’t use earplugs because I have to listen for my kids. I have a toddler and an infant. I can’t take the chance of not hearing them at night.
And second, who said I wasn’t supportive? If anything, it’s him who doesn’t want to deal with it. I’ve supported him plenty but ultimately the best support in the world isn’t going to help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves. No need for hateful remarks.
Same goes for medication. I can’t take sleeping pills (I really shouldn’t feel that I have to anyway; I don’t have sleeping problems) because I don’t want to be drugged up in the middle of the night when my baby starts crying.
Tagged with: bedrooms • better solution • c pap machine • couch • eight months • hasn • intimacy • masks • medication • sex drive • shape • sleep • sleep study • sleeping pills • sleeping problems • snoring
Filed under: Sleep Apnea Solutions
Your husband really needs to use the C-Pap, if he doesn’t brain cells will continue to be destroyed and eventually may start having more and more medical problems, I know, I didn’t use my C-Pap for a long time, now I have the beginnings of Parkinson’s, also have Focal Epilipsy, not to mention Cronic Pancreatitis, High Blood Pressure, two heart attacks, Hypothyroid, some short term memory loss, diabetes, neropathy. Although not all are caused my the lack of oxygen I get during sleep, my doctors say some of it is caused by the damaged caused by not using my C-Pap for so long. I know in the beginning it’s hard to get use to, but after awhile you get to where you can’t sleep without it, not to mention it makes me sleep better, waking with more energy. As far as the seperate bedrooms, tell him tough, you’re not only doing it for your benefit to get a good nights sleep, but if he wants you back in his bed, he will have to start using the machine that will benefit him!
I think it’s an intimacy thing, and you’re losing it
Well, the first time something goes wrong with your health I hope he is more supportive and understanding then you.
It’s a compliment. He loves the closeness of you as he sleeps. Use it to motivate him. Most of the time losing weight will lessen the symptoms of sleep apnea, including snoring. Offer to work out with him so that you guys can get into better shape together, and then you’ll both look forward to sharing a bedroom and bed again and getting in some passionate nocturnal workouts!! ;o)
It’s the same with my parents, just vice versa, my mom snores and my dad has abandoned his bedroom for the guest room. lol have you tried telling him to sleep on his side instead of his back? or use ear-plugs. or use the fans that produce a ‘oooooosh’ noise and ventilates your air so you don’t hear your husband snoring + it cleans your air so you’re hitting 2 birds with 1 stone.
just a suggestion. :]
loveyouuuz.(L)
Sure, I can help you understand. The marriage bed is a sacred place. I, personally, would feel horribly insulted if my husband wanted to sleep apart from me. I would never want to sleep apart from him. I feel like it was wrong of you to even stop sleeping with one another in the first place. You should have tried to find a solution and work through it together. I think the reason that he hasn’t been bothered the past 8 months but is bothered now would be because you moving into the guest room makes it a more permanent thing. Man are kind of stupid sometimes. He doesn’t realize that you’ve been apart for 8 months which is a LONG time. He’s just looking at it as if you move into the guest bedroom you’ll never sleep together again, but if he’s on the couch at least there’s hope.
He really should try the machine if sleeping with you is that important to him. Maybe, however, it makes him feel as though he’s suffocating SO badly that he can’t even bear to attempt using it. Maybe his doctor can suggest an alternative?
Good luck
why stop there why not seperate lives or lovers or houses !lol
If I couldn’t cuddle with my husband to go to sleep, a good part of what makes us "us" would be gone. It is the sweet loving intimacy that makes a marriage, remember that, if you are not in the same bed you will lose alot over time.
I’d love to sleep on the couch or guest room. My wife is HUGE
I snore like a freight train and we still sleep together.
BUT….. I’m with you on the separate rooms thing, sleep is sleep no matter where it happens. If you don’t sleep then you will be crabby and resent him.
If all else fails, take nyquil:) lol
You know when I was younger my mother and step dad slept in separate bedrooms and I thought that was bizarre. I thought that married couples should share a bed.
Now that Im a big girl now I understand why.
Men move, fart, snore, scratch and have roaming hands when they sleep and I wish I could have my own room too.
Been there doing that myself right now! IF HE was the one living with a snoring locomotive every night HE would no doubt have a different perspective on it I think. MINE refuses to believe it is as BAD as I say it is…..
Honestly I can’t bring myself to sleeping elsewhere only because I think it would put a huge VOID between us and we can’t afford that in our marriage. Somehow it an emotional weight to separate like that at NIGHT in different beds – at least it is to ME and I know my husband feels similarly. I know couples who sleep separately like this and have no problem with it. BUT if it IS a problem for your husband then I think HIS NEEDS should be more important than you wanting to sleep elsewhere. You can wear ear plugs, take Lunesta, find an alternative for YOUR until or unless he feels SAFE and secure to let you sleep elsewhere. That’s my feelings.
Wow people are being rude. I think you have a good point. If he wants to sleep in the same bed so badly, he needs to consider thats its IMPOSSIBLE for you to do that unless he figures out the snoring thing. And if he wants to let the snoring go, then he needs to let you go into the other room and get some real sleep.
Alot of couples have separate bedrooms. It provides better rest for alot of people who have situations just like yours. Sometimes it can be alot of fun. You can play the "hat" game. When you go to bed at night, take a ballcap and throw it at your husband. You’ll find some nights he’ll throw it back at you and other nights he’ll bring it back to you. Many people are doing exactly what you’re doing, so don’t worry about it.
I don’t see anything wrong wit your decisions. MY ex bf had the same problem. And refused the c-pap. There is no reason in hell, we should lose sleep for anyone who isn’t willing to help solve the problems.
My mom goes to bed about an hour before my dad, that way she can get "fully" asleep before my dad comes to bed. It has worked for them pretty well.
If he wants to sleep with you, he can compromise… either use the machine, or let you go to bed earlier or something. Something could be worked out so that separate rooms isn’t used. I would hate not being in the same bed with my husband…
Actually, your situation is very common.
We bought a house last year, and the floor plan had two master bedrooms. We wondered why?
The real estate man said that the markets have been demanding two master suites to accompany situations like yours. Outside of snoring, many couples have different work schedules, and it is more convenient to sleep apart – for consideration of the other. So now, we have a really nice guest room (the Jr. master suite.)
I wake up at 6am – im a teacher. My husband wakes up at 9am for work. If I wake him up, he cannot get back to sleep. So I had to learn to just get up and go without the huge hug and kiss :) Getting ready in the bathroom also used to wake him up. I had my hair machines and makeup. So all my morning regime is in another bathroom. It was either this routine, or do what you are doing now. In your case, you have no choice. I know you are looking for support in this. Its important to know that you are still in a loving relationship. Marriage takes work. Thats part of yours. Better to do that, than to resent him for your lack of sleep.
So you aren’t alone.
The big problem here is your husband’s refusual to use his CPAP. I once had a boyfriend who had one and he went through many masks before he found one that he was comfortable with. Your husband NEEDS to make it work. He is risking his health and life if he continues the way he has been.
Currently my husband snores when he has a cold and I usually end up in the guest room but he understands totally. I don’t see any problem with you sleeping in a different room while your husband is denying his problem. YOU need your rest or you begin to forfiet your health and possibly others. Sleep depravation is all too common nowadays and is very real and scary.
There’s nothing wrong with separate bedrooms, as long as it works for both of you. I couldn’t be married to my husband if we had to sleep in the same room – I’d never get any sleep, he snores like a freight train. I already wear earplugs, and all trips to the doctor end with her reassuring us that my husband doesn’t have sleep apnea, and he’s just overweight. Being that he’s not going to lose weight anytime soon (if ever), our three solutions would be 1) For us to split up; 2) For me to get no sleep in the same room; 3) Sleep in separate rooms, get normal sleep for both of us. Kind of a no-brainer, yes?
If one of us had a real problem with sleeping in separate rooms, it would have impacted us negatively. Luckily, we both feel good about it, so it’s not causing us any problem. It sounds like between the two of you, one spouse is not happy; this is what the problem it, not with your sleeping arrangements per se.
There’s nothing wrong with sleeping in seperate bedrooms; it’s more common than you would think. In some cases, it’s because of snoring, in other cases…well, some people just need to sleep alone (tossing/turning, bad dreams, other sleep-related issues). If he isn’t going to use the machine, then you’re well within reason to want to sleep where you get proper rest. Your body needs it.
I would try to have some information on the health benefits of sleep and try to talk with him about this. I’m sorry that he isn’t more understanding.
Perhaps you could record him snoring and show him exactly how loud he is.