Sometimes I kid around and say I’m all kinds of broken, but that was how I felt when he became my friend. I was in a verbally abusive relationship, although he never hit me, it probably would have hurt less if he had. Overweight, bi-polar disorder, PCoS, and more problems on top of that. I was ready for suicide, just to get life over with since I was that unhappy.
My new friend helped me understand that although I had some problems, they weren’t worth giving up on everything, including letting my family down. He became my best friend for the next three years, then he moved from Canada to the US to be with me. We ended getting married 3 weeks later.
When I meet him he was an online friend. I didn’t know everything about him as far as physical attributes, but I really didn’t care. Before he flew down he told me he was a heavy set guy, and I was ok with that. He reminds me of a huge teddy bear now.
My problem is this. When he moved here he was overweight, I don’t know how many pounds he was, but he was wearing a 2x shirt… Since then we’ve been married for 1 year and 8 months (today actually, how funny.) and he has gained another 2 shirt sizes. My husband now weighs in at about 360 at 5’8". I had sleep problems so I did a sleep study, I thought "well heck, he has sleep problems too, we’ll both go". They diagnosed him with Sleep Apnea, he stops breathing about 200 times an hour. I was terrified for his life, if he stops breathing that many times an hour, what is my promise that he will start breathing again? Well now to say the least he has a breathing machine that helps him at night. He hates it, but he wears it for me.
We went and saw our General Practitioner. He said that with Sleep Apnea, if it’s untreated the heart enlarges, and if it goes untreated he could have died within a matter of 3-5 years, if it he was lucky.
My husband’s problems with weight started when he started gaming online. Mom is a superb cook and made something like 6 course meals on a daily basis, as a stay at home mom. I think this is around when he hit 22ish. (He’s 30 now) We still game online… for a couple of months after seeing the doctor we walked 2 miles every day, when it started raining heavily in the area for a few weeks we stopped. Then I tried getting gym memberships for us, we went for 3 weeks… then he would refuse to go.
I’ve done everything. I’ve cried, I’ve voiced my opinion, commented about how his shirts occasionally show his tummy poking out, tried putting him on an expensive diet, showed him that I’m willing to support and work out too, and taken him to the gym or just randomly walking. For the life of me I can not get him to take more interest in his weight. I’m heartbroken that he isn’t taking this matter more seriously. My parents and brother are concerned, what’s the likeliness that he will survive the next ten years at this rate, what will happen to me when he’s gone. He’s literally the light of my life; he’s what keeps me stable.
How do you push someone to understand what they are doing to themselves? I’m overweight by about 30-50lbs, but since we’ve gotten married I’ve a few pounds, and kept it off.
It’s hard doing things together, shopping for clothes, being intimate. He wonders why I pull back, and I’ve tried telling him why, but he doesn’t understand, or doesn’t want to. My last thought is to send him back home to his family, leave him and maybe he’ll understand how much I need him to be healthy. But then I don’t even know if he’ll take action.
I know my husband is lazy, I am too to an extent, but he takes extremely good care of me. He has a hard time finding a job because he’s an immigrant to the US, so now he’s attending college to get additional training in his career. He’s not doing nothing all day. He’s studying, going to school, doing labs, and yes some gaming too. There’s no harm in that I think… It’s how we spend time together and keep within a budget.
Note: I don’t have insurance; I lost my full time job that had benefits. Since then I had to take the first job I could get, which is only part time. Before when we had the insurance he didn’t find the idea of weight loss pills acceptable, he thought they could cause permanent damage. Now that we don’t have insurance he’s thinking that MAYBE he’ll eventually take them. I don’t know if he’s saying it because he knows I can’t afford to get them for him, or if he was serious. My sister in law’s extended family has a doctor in it, he’s from Mexico. He offered to bring medication to my husband to help stimulate his metabolism. My husband said NO without a second thought. He said medications from Mexico weren’t safe. My brother argues that the same medical companies make drugs all across the world, but he just said no, and left it at that.
Sorry. I know this is long, but thank you for taking the time to read it, and possibly help me.
As a response to my first comment. My hubby sometimes says that I approach him at the wrong times, IE: He’s had a bad day. Other times he says he knows he needs to try, but just doesn’t. He’s even mentioned that if he cooks diet foods that I don’t always like them, and that’s disappointing for him. I’ve offered to cook my own meals, so that way he won’t feel as though he’s being unappreciated, but then he comments that he feels useless since his daily tasks are less than mine.