I found out my dad has cheated on my mom…?
I was online and my dad did not sign out of his email account..I know it was wrong but I looked at his email and found emails he has written to a woman!! He wrote things like he and my mom have not had sex in ten years and he will not divorce her because there is to much money involved and my brother has a learning disability (he is 32 yrs old) it would break his heart….he wrote things in his emails about his love for this woman how much he loves her ect.. I felt sick to my stomach after reading them and wish i haven’t..I know my parents have had problems they sleep in separate bedrooms..my mom is always nagging him about money..I always though they slept in separate bedrooms because of his sleep apnea machine (my mom complains about the noise) but according to his email its that way because they just don’t sleep togther anymore–I don’t know how I am gonna look at my father after reading all this..
Tagged with: bedrooms • brother • dad • email account • heart • learning disability • love • mom • much money • parents • sick to my stomach • sleep • sleep apnea
Filed under: Sleep Apnea Machine Questions
Just pretend you don’t know. You shouldn’t have read it. But you can’t go back.
Has he been a good father? Be thankful he has been around. Some times adult life gets complicated. If they try to maintain a family, in spite of all the bad things, so their kids can grow up with a full time mom and dad, that is a noble thing. That he cheated, that issue is between him and your mother.
Its none of your business. If he found out you had an affair should he tell your husband?
I know it is hard, but you have to forget you saw it, and just carry on with ordinary life.
You have violated his privacy in a big way. You are going to have to either talk with him about it and come clean about what you know or you are going to have to get over this and forget you ever read those mails.
Either way, the outcome is probably going to be ugly.
aww that is so sad! Maybe you should tell him that you know.
Something similar happened to me when I was growing up so I know how you feel. You don’t say how old you are, but if your brother is 32 then I’m assuming you are over 21. Either way, whether you or older or younger, while I don’t condone what your father has done he does have the right to have a life. Being with another woman might be the only way to keep himself sane in the marriage. I know this is not what you want to hear but you should not judge someone until you have walked a mile their shoes. Hopefully he is good to you and your brother, and tried to get along with your mother, and you can all carry on as best as you can.
well your a bigger person than me i would tell my mother if that happened in my home…its not right
The same thing happened to me (not quite, but same idea) and it really is heartbreaking. I don’t view my father the same anymore, and I don’t think I’ll ever respect him like I did when I was young. He used to be my hero…
The best thing you can do is try not to think about it. Distancing myself from my parents (not being home as much) has helped me.
I’ve been through, and seen, things like this. Talk to somebody you can trust and someone who will keep everything confidential. And I’m sorry to hear that.
try to bring them togehter agian like set up soemthing and try to make them joke each other but first u have to preven him from emailing that woman maybe sabotoge the computer internet? it also means u cant use the computer or internet but u have to be willing to sacrafice
is he abusive?
you wont kick him in the balls! besides, maybe if your mom was a little nicer. just remeber… its not your fault theyll get divorced.
Look would you want to know if your husband ( not saying you have one, maybe in the future.) was cheating on you. Confront your dad first though. I tell him to tell your mom and if he doesn’t you should do it both your mom and dad deserve to be happy.
This is a tough one, but I know you aren’t going to be able to just ignore it, so I suggest coming clean to your dad. The two of you can talk about it. BUT I would stay out of it when it comes to your mother. That’s their marriage, not yours, and it’s their problems. They are going to have to handle it the best way they can. Good luck.
ok just say to your dad like hey im glad moms the only woman in your life but if yoiu cant say that stuff then just be normal its all about your parents not u so dont worry about anything ok :)
First of all you were wrong to read somone else personal e-mail so you have to deal with it because of being noisy.
your mother and father hasent been intimate for 10 years and they sleep in separate rooms that should have told you something.
best of luck
First of all, thats what you get for snooping however I’m really sorry thats what you found because that really really suxs. Here’s a suggestion… Go to your Dad and tell him what you saw and give him the opportunity to come clean with your Mom about it… Going to your Mom is prolly the worse option of them all. Course you could always simply forget about it!
Really sorry to hear of your situation. This is always a very difficult topic to give advice on. Many couples struggle with money and this should not pull them apart, but it does. There is more to life then money and even the rich and famous are not really happy with all the money they have.
There is something missing and most do not have that answer.
you can’t just lie or pretend this never happened. what you need to do is wait until you’re alone with him, then calmly confront him about the emails. don’t accuse him or start screaming or crying, just get him to assess the situation. Calmly tell him how it’s making you feel. Tell him that he can NOT keep lying to you and your whole family about this. You need to be the adult, since he clearly isn’t capable.
Tell him you love him anyway, and that you forgive him- but he needs to make a choice. It’s your family or the mystery woman. He can’t have both. And either way he decides, he needs to talk to your mom about it. I know this will be hard, but pray about it. Things will get better.
Leave it alone. Things happen in life and it isn’t all pretty.
My heart goes out to. I know that it’s a hard thing to deal with but you should talk to your dad about what happen and that you know the real reason why things are not the same in the house hold. Tell him how it makes you feel and listen to what he has to say. By all mean do not take sides and do not mention this to your mom. It will hurt so. That is if she don’t already know. It’s unhealthy to be in a marriage when the love for each other has died. Your dad sounds like he is unhappy being marry to his wife. sorry if that sound harsh but the truth is the truth. Maybe he will be relieve after you guys talk. Don’t judge your dad be understanding and listen with an open heart. I will keep you guys in my prayers.
I would talk to him and be honest how you feel. Why should you not tell him anyway. It will be a burden for you to carry of what you have found about your Dad. You do not have to keep his secret to yourself or else it will make you a bitter person towards him. For your own mental health talk to him just the two of you and see how that conversation goes. It may hurt you but I think for your own peace do it.
Hi – If he did not sign out of his email account, then he might have wanted you to read his mail and talk with him about this. Sometimes we do stuff like that so that we get caught so that it’s forced out into the open. If you have had a good relationship with your dad in the past, then you might be able to talk with him in private about what you read. He might have an explanation, like some kind of fantasy he’s having, or some other thing. Either way, you need to talk to someone about this, either a counselor or a religious leader. This is too huge a burden for you to carry by yourself.
If he won’t come clean with your mother, then it will be very stressful for you to participate in any kind of healthy family life with them. If you have other siblings, you might consider sharing the information and deciding together what to do.
I feel so badly for you, having been the wife in one of those situations. My husband and I have been married for 38 years and about 18 years ago I found out that he was lying to me about where he was spending some time. He never did do anything because I confronted the other woman and I think I scared her away with my boldness. We worked out the problem and we’re still together, but he had to prove himself to me for me to ever trust him again. Maybe your folks can have a similar outcome…. Good luck to you and be strong. Your mom will need you.
Sounds like you are flying off the handle here without any substance of proof that your dad is ‘cheating’ on your mum. Did he confirm that he was having sex with her – or just cyber talk with an anonymous person he has met in a chat room?
If he has had such a miserable past 10 years I don’t blame him for acting this way.
And, to check his email account! If you are feeling ‘sick to your stomach’ because of it – then serves you right! You’ve got what you deserve.
If I was in the reverse position I would never, never, think of prying into my daughter’s personal email messages.
I don’t know what is wrong with these heartless people. Yes, technically you did a wrong by looking through your dad’s email, but EVERY one of us has probably had a similar impulse. The bigger no-no is the one your dad is apparently doing. I’m so sorry. Do you think your mom might already know? If so, maybe you can suggest that they seek out couples counseling to help them decide if it’s in their best interest to stay together or separate. If not, I suggest you see a counselor to help you sort out your own feelings and help you decide if you really want to say something to your dad or not.
I was 9 when I found love letters and teddy bears in my dad’s office. My mom was there working, she was the bookkeeper. She told me to file something in his desk and it all fell apart from there.
I don’t know your age, but I would ask your dad to have "date night" with you. Go somewhere where you can talk and not have to becareful to whisper or yell through the crowd.
I would be honest and tell him you have something on your mind and it is really really bothering you. I was on the computer and you weren’t signed out and I read your emails. I’m sorry I know your mad at me for disrespecting your privacy. I saw the letters to this other woman and you were confessing your love for her. If you are that unhappy why have you stayed together with mom?
Listen to him and honestly listen. You only know what you see in your home and now these letters. You don’t know what has gone on behind the doors of their bedroom. If you don’t understand something, have him explain it a little more.
Just know it’s not your’s or your brothers fault that your dad has gone outside of this marriage to find love in another woman’s bed. It is wrong of him to stay in this marriage for the kids, In the long run it will hurt the family even more.
I am sorry that you are going through this tough time. It will hurt and you will cry, but you need to talk with your dad.
good luck
Well, first thing you should have done was to sign out for him. It’s hard to know that one of your parents is cheating on the other. You must first try not to think you are carrying a burden on your shoulder because it will rip you apart. Your parents knows why all this has happened but they choose not to tell you. Let’s face some facts, maybe Mom is fooling around, maybe Mom told Dad years ago that he was the biggest mistake she ever made and that caused them to seperate. You must try not to hold anything against your Dad and try not to be disrespectful to him. Your parents, one day, may tell you the truth and it might be worst than just that e-mail. Try this, gain your Dad’s trust and your Mom’s and try and see if you can get them back together again. Remember, it’s better to do this than to let him know about the mail or to burst out everything in anger one day when friends and family comes over. You love them both, so get them back where they once were.
Blessed.
This is a serious matter and I think you should tell your mom. Secondly, your mother may already know that your dad is cheating. I sympathizes with how you feel. However know that this issue should be resolve by your parents in a civil matter.
I also believe you should reach out and talk to a counselor at your school or a close relative who will support you during this difficult time. I know that the problems and issues between your dad and mom is not your fault and also you can not help them fix this.
I don’t know how old you are but pray to Jesus. Jesus is the answer! Say the Our Father prayer and ask Jesus to give you peace and comfort and take away any anger or ill feelings you may have towards your dad and mom.
God Bless
Are you sure that your parents dont have an open relationship. I mean there are alot of people who do have them. Not all people have the "normal" so to speak relationship, open relationships are becomeing much more popular. Look up swinging for intstance on any search engine and see how many sites you come up with that are for couples are singals in a couple looking for another person are people.
Now with that said I dont condone cheating but is it really cheating if the couple has an open relationship.
Well I think that what you did read his e-mail most people would have done it too. But that is neither here or there. But i think your torn between what to do or not do, If your father is staying for the money then he shouldn’t be doing it on your moms time. Your dad is lying to this woman anyways, he didn’t say i have sleep apnea and don’t let my wife sleep. The point here is that if I found out that my daughter knew and said nothing to me, i would feel betrayed by her too. So what i suggest is for you to tell you dad what you saw and then tell him that he needs to make things right, tell him you stand behind him if he wants a divorce from your mother but that you do not stand by him having an affair while your mom knows nothing about it. Tell him he is with you mom because of the money and that just makes it wrong. Tell him to take what money belongs to him and to let your mom have her own life. Maybe you will find out that your mom knows he has affairs.. Good luck to you no matter what age you are thins is very painful at what ever age.
To everyone you have to ask yourself if it were your spouse would you want to know or not know. I can tell you that all of you would want to know and not be in the closet.
It is none of your business. You’re divorced. You of all people should know that not all marriages work out. You should never have been snooping through his e-mails. How would you feel if he did the same to you? Probably violated, and pretty pissed. Forget what you read, and let it go. It takes two to tango, and if they are both that miserable in their marriage, your mother probably has some dirty secrets you don’t know either. You don’t know all the details. If you feel like you need to say something to someone, tell your dad-and APOLOGIZE for snooping. Let him know what you saw, and that you don’t like it, and you know you were in the wrong. This is why you should never be nosy! You usually find things you didn’t want to know in the first place!
Tell him. He is stupid not telling you